I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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