Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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