I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
