based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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