i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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