I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
