I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
