Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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