I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
