Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
