My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
