Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
