He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
