literally had 100 drinks last night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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