is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize