I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
