I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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