Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
