Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
