Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
