You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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