he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
