The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
