hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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