Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
