Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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