dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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