that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
