Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
