She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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