you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
