grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
