It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
