Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
