Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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