If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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