My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
