if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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