It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
