At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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