the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
