You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
