my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this will be a night to untag.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
