Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he was CRYING into my vagina
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
