I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
