he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
