im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize