I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Bring me that man meat
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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