Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
