dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
two words...techno handjob
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
