Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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