Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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