I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Pants are for mortals
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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