we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize