I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
