All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
