Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
