You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Randomize