i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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