I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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