The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
