fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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