A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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