i may or may not be watching the land before time
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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