I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
