The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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