i was born a porn star she said
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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