decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
