everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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