please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
