And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
