In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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