I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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