matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He passed out mid-signature
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
