Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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