toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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