are you still at the devil's house?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
