Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
