i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
