You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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