In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
